Yes, it's me, and over a month has passed since my last blog post.
During the past month or so I have tossed around ideas, thoughts. I have pondered over quite a bit of things, even gotten anxious and uneasy trying to find solutions to all the puzzles overtaking my mind.
The greatest, scariest and most important thing a 20-year-old can start processing is what to do with life. Okay, well, it's the greatest, scariest and most important thing anyone can process, regardless of age, since we're all here for a limited amount of time and that time might be up tomorrow.
I did not know how to put my thoughts into words before I discussed the matter with a good friend, who asked me the following question: if you could take a month off and could do whatever you wanted to do (without having to worry about money), what would you do?
It did not take long to come up with an answer. I would go to Norway, Ireland, Scotland or Iceland and walk. Just hike in breathtaking scenery, challenge my body and breathe fresh air. I would take photos of the nature and draw. Visit some towns and see people, life. I'd love to travel with someone with whom it would be equally easy to blabber stupid stuff and just be silent for hours.
Why such an answer? I feel like the past year has just flown by, and I've been worry sick about deadlines and spent most of the remaining free time at parties with my student organization. I feel like I lost bits of myself along the way, but found new perspectives and now know a little better what I don't want. I have had way too little time to do things I love, like working out and expressing myself through music, art and writing.
So for the past month, that's exactly what I've been doing. Trips to the gym, sketching, playing the piano, doing yoga. I'm starting to feel a balance here that I want to maintain.
One of the greatest sources of my recent anxiety is uncertainty. I am not sure what I want to do for a living after university. Hopefully something that involves graphic design, informatics and media. I have begun to realize that it really doesn't matter that much what I end up doing, as long as I enjoy it and feel like I can challenge myself doing what I do.
For the time being, all I can do is be patient and closely observe myself and how my actions make me feel. This is when we come to blogging. Why do I blog? How do I want to blog?
This blog has been mainly about fashion, sometimes about photographing things that inspire me. Both of those aspects will still be present from now on, but I will try to expand my horizons a bit. Writing exclusively about fashion does not feel right, since as a student I don't have a lot of money to spend on clothing. Plus, there are so many more important things I feel I need to say and express.
So, from now on, there will be posts about feelings, art, fashion, random things that inspire me, wellbeing, phenomena that I find interesting and random things that are just random things, but above all, beauty (and by this I don't necessarily mean the make up kind of beauty). I refuse to feel any pressure about posting. Don't misunderstand me here - you guys haven't been pressuring me about posting, it's my very own mind that is fixated on having to do everything perfectly. That will have to end, since blogging is supposed to be a fun hobby. I will post when I have something interesting to post, and depending on everything else that's going on, this might mean posts every day or posts once a month.
If you've read my post about self confidence and body image, you'll know that I've been battling with thoughts concerning the relationship between my body and my mind for a long time. I still believe that I'll find a balance that makes me happy, but I'm still far from it. Both physically and mentally. This balance that I'm going after covers all parts of my life: studies, work life, nutrition, excercise, relaxation, social life, creativity, happiness.
Here comes the big deal: this blog will function as a journal of me finding that balance.
To be continued.
ps. This was my 200th blog post. GO ME!
Image sources: weheartit.com and pinterest.com
Ei suomenkielistä versiota tällä kertaa. Tän kirjoittaminen yhteen otteeseen vaati älytöntä luomisen tuskaa ja tuhottomasti aikaa, enkä just nyt pysty siihen uudestaan! :)